The other night Andrew and I turned off the lights to go to bed. I had no sooner arranged my pillows before Andrew was sound asleep, lightly snoring and blissfully on his way to some quality REM sleep. Meanwhile, for the next 30 minutes or an hour or maybe even more, I tossed and turned, trying to settle my thoughts and my body so I could eventually fall asleep.
I know the struggles women my age can face with sleep. That’s not this.
Almost every time my head hits the pillow it’s like it sets off a chain reaction of unrelated thoughts: What meetings do I have tomorrow? I have to remember to sign Charlie up for soccer. I need to go to Trader Joe’s. Don’t forget to talk to Andrew about the birthday party Lucy got invited to. Did I talk too much on my walk with friends today? I wonder what happened to that random co-worker from 10 years ago who wasn’t nice to me. What should I wear to dinner next week? I forgot to take my vitamins.
It goes on and on until I eventually fall asleep. At some point in there, I usually try to calm my mind. I’ll do a sleep meditation. I’ll focus on my breathing. I’ll name the states in alphabetical order (easy). I’ll try to name all of the state capitals (harder). I’ll try to name all of the Presidents (impossible).
The coping mechanisms to calm my mind come from years of troubled sleeping. When I was a kid, my mom bought me a worry stone – a smooth piece of stone with a thumbprint carved out. You were supposed to move your thumb back and forth in the groove and focus on that rather than the worries in your head. I loved it. It didn’t work.
I used to love listening to the Phillies while I was trying to fall asleep. I loved when games went into extra innings – or even better if they were on the west coast and games didn’t start till I was going to bed. The play-by-play of the game kept all the other thoughts at bay. I still like to fall asleep with the TV on for that exact reason – something else for me to try and focus on.
I can even remember walking down the stairs, my dad working at the dining room table, to tell him I couldn’t fall asleep. I know he would often tell me that even laying there and letting my body rest was good for me. Sometimes I still say that to myself as I watch my clock click closer and closer to my wake up time.
That said, I am excellent at surviving on what most would consider little sleep. I am fine on 6 hours, I feel great on 7, and on 8, I am a new woman. My skin looks better. Those persistent bags under my eyes less heavy. I am a little less irritable. I am, in-fact, well-rested.
So why am I not getting 8 hours every night? Life. I do try, but with a usual wake up time of 5:30am, getting to bed by 9:30 is nearly impossible. 10:30 is often a stretch, but I am trying. I’ve started to put my phone down earlier. I’ve started making to-do lists before I even get into bed so I don’t have to think about those things when my head hits the pillow.
If you’re like Andrew, well, I envy you. Every once in a while I have one of those nights and I am always amazed by it. But if you’re like me, hang in there. It’s hard. It helps to have a few coping mechanisms, which work part of the time. And hey, being able to name all the states quickly once helped me win money on Cash Cab, so not all is lost.
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This week, some of my bedtime favorites. You might as well sleep — or try to fall asleep — in style.
Brooklinen Sheets, $219 (king set), amazon.com
I have never been a fancy sheet person, and tbh, I’m not even sure if these qualify as fancy sheets — but they certainly feel that way. Andrew was early on the Brooklinen bandwagon and we’ve never looked back. They’re so soft and cozy. It’s like someone slept in them for years before they arrived on your doorstep (though that would be disgusting).
Eberjay Women’s Pajamas, $118, amazon.com
I will admit that I usually wear an old t-shirt or, even worse, an old nursing tank top to bed (it’s so comfortable!!!). But there is something so satisfying about pulling on a matching set of pajamas when you climb into a clean bed. It makes me feel fancy and like I’m a better version of myself. I can’t say it helps me sleep any better, but I look cuter while I toss and turn.
Peloton Sleep Meditations, onepeloton.com
I may be a bit biased given my love of Peloton, but I’d like to think I would stand by these sleep meditations even if I wasn’t a card-carrying member of the cult. Ross Rayburn and Aditi Shah are my go-to instructors when I need someone to lull me off to sleep. Their voices are so soothing and relaxing that I have fallen asleep before the meditation even ended. Then, of course, I had to wake up because I had to put my earbuds away, but details.
Amika Overnight Hydrating Hair Mask, $32, amazon.com
Sometimes, as I lay there trying to fall asleep, I can feel like I’m wasting time. I’m not sleeping. I’m not doing anything. I am literally laying there. Enter Amika’s overnight hydrating mask. Sure, I am still lying there doing nothing, but the hair mask is hard at work, helping to restore some moisture into my fried locks. That has to count for something, right?
Same for me! Or. I fall asleep immediately, then wake up around 3am and can't go back to sleep....
Welcome to our routine, Bruce asleep before his head hits the pillow, my head hits the pillow and it wakes me up. Lifelong issue for me. Sigh.